Thursday, 3 December 2009

EAT A CAT - PROPER BEHAVIOUR AROUND WHEELIES

Hey everybloggie! Did you know Lakie Lacie sent my pesky Miss Enid a present via my flat self when I was in Boston? Couple of fusty books. Ancient as Miss Enid. And as boring. All about Eat A Cat. Proper Posh.



What's that? Nice of Lacie? NO. IT'S. NOT. Lacie and Miss Enid have already been advising Eat A Cat matters on Lacie's blog. Silly Miss Enid's got's it into her sawdust to teach me how to mind my Pees. And Queues. Me? Need teaching? As if. Course I sneaked a peek at her book. When she wasn't wheeling round on her wonkies.



Yep. As I thought. I know it all. Pretty boooooring stuffies. Written in olde fashionede English.



OOhhh. There's a chapter on Eat A Cat Behaviour with Wheelies. Haaaaaa!!! Made me do a proper Lacie smirk.(Said Eric..... tilting his head to one side. ......placing his paw in front of his mouth to stop his giggles escaping. EEK!!!!!!. I'm even WRITING like Lacie now!!!!. And noooo!!!.....writing in purple toooooo.) Miss Enid wants to publish a monthly column with her advice on Eat A Cat stuffie. Where? Can you blogging believe it? Only on my bloggie!!! NEVER!!! So. Who better to teach. You? Than Me? With photo examples for ease of learning. Thoughtful eh? OkeyDokey. Let's get on with it. Lesson One. Eat A Cat Behaviour with Wheelies.


One needs to greet every Wheelie in a companionable manner each morning.



Like so. Light up your face with a wide welcoming toothy grin. Repeat this smile until your jaws are snappin' smiley style. Like Mr.Crocodile. (Pardon me. Let me introduce. Sweet Pea. Travelled all the way from A Merry Car. Via Mom's wheelie exchange programme with Jake and Fergie's Moma. More on that another time)

In polite circles one would follow up with the normal dog to dog greeting.



But. Do be considerate everybloggie.



Make them feel comfortable about it. Next. As new Wheelies arrive. Show enthusiasm.



Look lively! That's the spirit! Jump for joy. Introduce yourself. For example."Good day Wheelie. I'm Eric. Wagging to eat err.. meet you". Here I'm greeting Albert from Germany. He's a Prince among Wheelies. Gave him a Right Royal going over.

Take a keen interest in Wheelies wheel abouts.




Trust me. They will be overjoyed by your surprise visit. As this demonstration of my solicitous approach to Miss Enid whilst studying in the library. Of course. All work and no play makes for a dull wheelie indeed. Give them a play bow.



Enables parts to be exercised that a wheelies oil can can't reach. Sets their wheels in motion tickety boo. Remember. It's good manners to reciprocate by giving chase. Immediately. Don't you just love their exuberance for all games?

Compliment one's Wheelie.




I often whisper sweet little nothings into Miss Enid's ear 'oles. Common Courtesies. Like. "How tasty you look today dear Miss Enid" Miss Enid cried when I told her that. Totally proved my point. They truly do appreciate how you go out of your way to make them feel wanted and adored.

Try one's best to be affectionate. Kissing Wheelie often.



Nose bump to teeth is the usual way. You'll hear them squeeeeel with pleasure. Most rewarding. Show affection in word and deed.



The gentle laying of one's paw (to calm a fierce ferocious wheelie who's been shut in a crate for safety) will be much appreciated.

Wheelies are, by nature, sociable. Take them out for regular wheel abouts.




As demonstrated by my goodly self. Here. At Hampton Court Palace with Miss E and Foster Boy Winston. I'm busy leading them up the Garden Path.



and here, taking Foster Winston out in the zoomer for a spin...



Lucky Wheelies. I even treated them to a museum trip. Nothing they like better than a bit of Wheelie Heritage.

At the end of a long exciting day. Most important. Escort them to bed to watch over them.You never know what they get up to.




Though it's permissable to send a trusted envoy instead.



HAAAA HAAAAAAA!!! Looksee. As if I would EVER do that Eat A Cat thingie. But. Hmmm. Perhaps Miss Enid and myself might be paw sueded. To give you Proper. Pucker. Ette Kett lessons from her old books. Sometime. What say you everybloggie? Now Ette Kett dictates I need to apologise. Sorry. I'm not able to visit your fabulous selves next week. Sniff. Square Mom mentioned something about my flat self. Feasting on a Big Apple. Tootle Pip.

102 comments:

Scruffy, Lacie and Stanley's Place said...

ERIC!!

You made Miss Enid cry??? SHAME ON YOU!!! You had her whole head in your mouth...she must have been terrierfied!

And you took them to visit the Queen and didn't have them properly secured in safety harnesses? And threatened to DONATE them to an old moldy TOY MUSEUM???

ERIC!!

Proper manners insist on being very respectful to one's elders...

Ya blew that one, Eric...

It does seem like more and more wheelies are arriving daily at your housie...perhaps it's an international gathering before the TAKEOVER?

I'm pretty sure when the Wheelies begin to rule, they will have a list deliniating exacting who has tried to CONSUME them...they shall be jailed first...

As for that Lacie smirk and typing in purple (Lacie bites her lip to keep from giggling hysterically....)I hafta admit I was properly impressed...yep...it was a bootiful SMIRK.

As for your flat self and the apple...um...I'm hoping the apple has been sprayed prior to your visit with um pesticides...never know what's crawling around on those apples...

Kisses, Eric...

Laciecakes

Scruffy, Lacie and Stanley's Place said...

My dear Miss Enid,

I would be most grateful if you would indeed do a monthly advice column on Eat A Cat. Society needs your gentle guiding influence to restore some sense of dignity. Why the other day alone, I was walking in town and neither Scruffy nor Stanley knew a lady never walks on the outside of the sidewalk in proximity of the traffic. Of course, a large bus flew by, splashing me horribly when it could have splashed Stan or Scruffy.

To make matters worse we went into a revolving door...the ONLY appropriate time that a gentleman (I use that term sooo loosely here) may precede a lady. Of course, they didn't...not only did I have to push the door very hard to get it to turn, they pulled back on it behind me so it wouldn't!

I am most looking forward to your column.

Fondly,

Miss Lacie

Gus said...

Eric Square:

We haven't any wheelies here, nor cats you see, so we don't care
About the Etti Cat routine, except for visits to the queen.
We'd love to hear Miss Enid's take
We're sure she'll find you've made mistakes
And purple prose, oh my oh me
Pink is better, just ask me

Teka Toy

Asta said...

EWic

I so appweciated all youw sage advice on how to gweet Wheelies, but, awe you suwe they appweciate being tossed awound on the hood of youw caw??
Something sounds off about that..I do think Miss enid , wif all hew expawience would be pawfect fow giving all of us soe etti kat advice..(dog knows , thewe is a lot to be leawned fow some of ouw mowe woudy boys) Pawsonally, I'm happy that Winston is safely on the othew side of the pond, hehehe please tell Sweet Pea, and pwince Albewt that Mywna and womy send theiw welcoming love.

I can't wait to see youw flat self..I'm polishing the apple as I wite
smoochie kisses
ASTA

I adowe that pictoowe of the two sleeping cuties.

Khyra The Siberian Husky And Sometimes Her Mom said...

Dearest Erikh!

Please keep in mind I live in the same state as The Beast -

Therefore, when she shrieks, I GET TO HEAR IT -

The skhreams are ekhhoing in my soft furry ears!

Hugz&Khysses,
Khyra
PeeEssWoo: Yum, khats!

Hamish Westie said...

Hi Eric
Well all this Eat a Cat is well and good, but just between you and me, we know really that Drink a Wee Dram is what it's really all about - everything else follows...
Don't you agree?
Cheers! H.

Mango said...

Those are a lot of rules. I am not sure I can do the enthusiastic greeting part. Might have to leave that to PeeWee.

Is it OK to take wheelies for walkies on Boss Town or do I have to go across the big pee? That is going to cut into my nap time.

I was scared when Lacie started channelling thoughts in purple. Watch out for that stuff.

A most instructive bloggy.

Slobbers,
Mango

Bruce said...

I still can't get passed the words "EAT A CAT"! And you don't even want to know what came up when I googled "EAT A CAT"! I'm going into hiding!
your pal,
Bruce:)

tula said...

E- you got some serious hops! this whole wheelie thing is intriguing..may help my training with all the nibbling, teethy stuff, and wheeling around. i can tell it definitely helps you- purrfect manners.

sign me up for a fostah plz.

toodles, have flat funballs in the big apple:)
tula

Martha and Bailey said...

Eric, we were a little worried by your post.
We know you mean well in your guide on Eat a Cat - the how to behave with a wheelie.
We feel that you failed to take account of the fact that these wheelies are rather old.
Your youthful exuberance could be alarmist.
Now we understand that is not your intention - well we like to think that it was not your intention!
We feel some of the pic could be construed....as well......threatening!
Whispering sweet nothing had a look of you were going to bite Miss Enid's ear off.
Enthusiastic smiling greeting did appear to us that you wanted to eat the poor wheelies.
Your play looked like you wanted to treat them like stuffies and rip them apart.
Now of course we know we are probably very wrong but we just wanted to point this out to you.
We know you have your heart in the right place - actually Eric have you any idea where your heart is?
love and kisses
Martha & Bailey xxx
PS A winter drive in the zoomer would be most acceptable Eric if you are thinking of coming to Scotland.
Somewhere there is a speed limit we think!

TwoSpecialWires said...

Miss Enid.

I admire your intents, despite the interference you are clearly faced with. (Just how many pages of your books were damaged by the jaws of your wired one? And were they water logged from drool? I am impressed by Eric's seemingly focused posture while reading, but I've heard of the damage done as the books crossed the pee. I am not fooled.)

I am, however, pleased that you are choosing to publish this respectful column. It is very much needed. It is a shame how the youngsters these days have lost all sense of proper behavior.

May I suggest, at some point that you give some pointers regarding a proper High Tea. These foreigners don't seem to truly "get it."

Missing you. With love
Foster Boy now Winston

Postscript: Edwina sends her love to Sweet Pea, as does Diana. And Miss Erin is anxious to determine her relationship to you. Now that she has freshened up, there is a striking resemblance.)

TwoSpecialWires said...

Master Eric.

How very improper and insensitive for you to refer to Miss Enid as Ancient. And boring. What does that make me? (Don't answer that.) And how deceitful to describe photographs with captions that are so contradictory to explanations that I know to be more true. (I believe Martha and Bailey's interpretations to be very accurate, in many cases. Very astute girls these two are.) For instance. That welcoming toothy grin for Sweet Pea? (At least you did admit the snapping jaws) The picture we remember seeing was a blur. A total blur. With you in frantic vertical motion - beyond what I would consider a proper greeting for such a sweet, weary traveler. (Thank goodness she has the comfort of your Otis to calm her.)

And the dog to dog greeting? (Have I advanced - in your opinion - from wheeless wheelie to dog? You never told me that when I was there.) Wouldn't you agree that the relationship looks just a bit one-sided. Please DO try to present both sides of the picture. (I was FAR from comfortable. I look rather stiff. Don't you think?)

But I will admit to a few chuckles as I recalled our time together. From the gardens and streets of London to the airborne spin in the zoomer. It had been years since I'd had that kind of fun. And, yes, it was fun. Even Ancient Boring sorts like to kick up their heels every once in a while. I am no exception.

So, I give you my permission. And encouragement. (As if you likely cared.) To contribute to the etiquette "thingee" as you speak. I"d rather enjoy it. Actually. Because I know, at heart you are a very different sort than you sometimes like to portray yourself. But I'll keep that a secret. And I'll chuckle at your interpretations and editorial comments. With (mostly) delight.

Fondly yours, always part of your family
Winston

Lorenza said...

Hi, Eric!
I was about to make my comment when I saw that "comment" before mine and... and I forgot what I was going to tell you!
Haaaa!
Kisses and hugs
Lorenza

umekotyan said...

Good evening eric
It is attractive to an old book.
My favorite is a book.
The type is from a computer to me of the change person named the book.
And, I : while feeling the sadness of SNICKERS.
It is slowly a visit to friend's wonderful blog now.
I also slowly write blog.
A wonderful weekend with the impression of the book. :)

from loved ume tyan

Penny, Poppy & Patches said...

You do have that eat-a-cat down to a "T", Eric! I'm sure Miss Enid appreciates it!

Aire-hugs,
Poppy, Penny & Patches

Maggie and Mitch said...

You're such a mannerly chap, Eric! We're sure Miss Enid truly appreciates you!

Love ya lots
Maggie and Mitch

Joe Stains said...

I have never really seen a wheely look frightened, but I think you pulled it off with this lesson. But I did learn a lot, but thankfully, no wheelies about in my house.

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Toffee said...

Oh Eric (swoon) - I think that you have the most gentlemanly eti-kat there is! Dare I say that thinking of you giving nose bumps made me blush...tee hee.

William Tell said...

My Family has several barn cats that could use some Eat A Cat lessons. I did try to educate them once, but apparently some cats are Neanderthals when it comes to Eat A Cat. Rum Tum still hisses when he sees me.

Happy Tails,
William Tell

Dewey Dewster said...

Aaaaaa Eric...Eat a Cat does not mean ta bed down with a cat....that's downright disguistin' man.....yer a wire fox terrier.....look in the mirror....'n repeat it 12 times....."I am a Wire Fox Terrier and I hate cats !!!!!!" Sheesh,'n ya look lke ya were gonna take the wheelie's ear right off at the joint...now take that stance with Odie......open mouth.... extract teeth....snarl......spit.....bite....chew.....repeat....

Do ya think ya have it now?

Are ya goin' back ta the ig Apple again???? Ya are so lucky....fer sure....

Dewey Dewster here.....

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