Monday, 5 January 2009

BRITISH ECCENTRICS

Christmas over. Done and dusted. Decorations down yet dogs, kitties, hammies? Don't forget. Did I show you our decorations?



Paper Chains. How Pathetic. The leggeds say they NO. Retro Eric. Trend setting. Even Patriotic. Haaaaa!!!! That's not the yap on the street. Certainly not from Jack the Lab, who's been sniggering through paws held over his old bark hole, every time he wigs his wag past our house.

Now. I have something shocking to relate. Mom FORGOT to take the decorations down in time last year. Left them up for 2 days too long. Dear oh dear. VERY UNLUCKY. And look what happened. The world economy collapsed. Yes.You can blame Mum. Fair and Square. But Mom is having none of it. She blames this dude.





Calls himself Mr Christmas. He leaves his decorations up ALL YEAR. In Fact. Forever. He celebrates Christmas 24/7 every day of the year!!!!!! WOW!!! WAGGING WICKED!!!!! (Before you say it. Yes. It's true. We do have our fair share of eccentrics this side of the big pee. For a start there are two fruit loops in square house but I digress bloggies)

Mr Christmas started this caper on 14th July 1993 when he was feeling bored and fed up. Put up his Christmas decorations. And Hey Presto!!!! He felt much better (no pathetic paper chains for him) Since then he's been celebrating Christmas every single day!!! The whole kit and caboodle!!!



And bark about dogalicious!!! He' s munched his way through 5,110 Turkeys, 94,080 Mince Pies, 28,224 Roast Potatoes and 117,600 Brussel Sprouts. Burnt out 37 electric ovens in the process. Quaffed 5,110 bottles of Moet. Posted himself more than 230,000 Christmas cards. Worn out 23 video recorders listening to the Queen's Speech. And pulled 204,00 Christmas Crackers. Mmmm.... could it be that pawhaps he might be an itsy bitsy crackers himself? But boy oh boy, don't you just LOVE him?????

However.......Boo Hoo.This year Mr Christmas had to cut back due to Mom's induced Credit Crunch. Lunch with all the trimmings and booze used to cost him over £150 a week. Extras had to go. One Christmas tree instead of two. Cut back on Christmas lights to reduce his energy bills. 9lb Turkeys replace the usual 14lb ones. Moet has to last two days instead of one. And he hand delivers his own Christmas cards instead of posting to save the stamp spondoolies!!!! HAAAAAAAAA!!!!!



Here's his daily routine. First up, for breakfast, he chows down seven or eight mince pies washed down with a tipple of sherry. Then opens presents he's chosen and wrapped for himself. Once he gave himself a Mercedes. Yeah!!!! Way to go Mr Christmas!!! Isn't he totally pawsome??? The best of the bestest???? Then he takes himself off to work. Returning to eat Christmas dinner downed with a glass or two of champagne. At 3pm sharpish, he watches the Queen's speech. Followed by a wagging good film.



Mr Pickles Pooch Park OBE (wearing his Christmas hat) used to watch with him. Sad to say, Mr Pickles has departed to Rainbow Bridge. Set me thinking. Poor Mr Christmas must be lonely. Christmas needs to be celebrated with a special fur leggeded right? Expect he would like a dogs company. A Wiley Fox Terrier. That would wagging appreciate mince pies, turkey, roast tatties and windy billy's awash with lashing of gravy, and a glug or two of bubbly. Who can yap along tunefully to our National Anthem.


Bark about pawsome eh???? Mr Christmas seems totally my sort of guy. I'll drop him a pee mail. Tell him I'll wag oveer any time the leggeds go on holiday plus plenty of long weekends too. Keep him company. Hey!!! Watch it!!! No shoving everybloggie. My idea.....form an orderly queue behind me. Take your decorations down first though.

30 comments:

Asta said...

Eric
so it was youw Mum???
I can't believe it's all hew fault at all..not aftew meeting hew.
Mr Chwissmuss would cewtainly have a much bettew time celebwating and shawing wif you awound..he must be tiwed of only giving himself gifts..time to let a squawe doggie shawe in the bounty.
I will line up behind you my sweet Ewic..(in a vewy owdewly mannew of couwse),but fiwst I have to huwwy and help Mommi put away the decowations
smoochie kisses
ASTA

Asta said...

Eric
so it was youw Mum???
I can't believe it's all hew fault at all..not aftew meeting hew.
Mr Chwissmuss would cewtainly have a much bettew time celebwating and shawing wif you awound..he must be tiwed of only giving himself gifts..time to let a squawe doggie shawe in the bounty.
I will line up behind you my sweet Ewic..(in a vewy owdewly mannew of couwse),but fiwst I have to huwwy and help Mommi put away the decowations
smoochie kisses
ASTA

Petey said...

Having seen your Mum in action when she was Stateside, I'd say she's doing more than her fair share in repairing the global economy! 'Nuff said.

Our decorations consisted of a wreath on the door and some red tulips in white vases on the mantlepiece. What a slacker! We had our decorations down in less than 10 minutes. Oh well, there's always next year for the whole shebang.

Mommy has a consultation with a surgeon tomorrow. She hasn't said much but I think she's a bit nervous. She's trying to teach me how to jump up on the bed because after her operation, she won't be able to pick up anything heavy for a couple months. And we know I'm a big-boned Cairn terrier!

We love the paper chains. Since they're patriotic, we believe you can keep them up year round!

Now stop bogarting that mincemeat pie and pass me a slice. Don't be stingy with the hard sauce!

Your pal,

Petey

Jackson said...

Hey pal, I think I'd like to move in with Mr Christmas too. I'll take my place in the queue. J x

Agatha and Archie said...

Wow! We had NO idea it was your Mom!We think you might need help helping Mr Christmas eat all that stuff which we would be VERY good at!! Let us know. Archies itchies are much better,but still a little itch there. We are going to a dietician tomorrow and will tell you all about it!! Love and kisses A+A(we really can not believe it was your Mum)

Maggie and Mitch said...

Mince pie for breakie?! We are drooling!

Love ya lots,
Maggie and Mitch

Tibby said...

Hi Eric!
I can't believe your mom started this whole big mess! Are you sure it was her? Mr. Christmas looks like a lot of fun! Maybe he should give himself a new four legged Christmas doggy next year...or I mean next week...or maybe even tomorrow! Christmas everyday sounds like a blast!
-Tibby

Asta said...

Eric
Ouw squawe Mom's have excellent taste..I wish they and you and I could hang out and dazzle hoomans togethew, hehehe
My Photoshop is all fixed phew..it was scaiwy not to have it..but if you look at my ice bag..you will see it's wowking..also isn't Mommi's face smoof?, heheheh
smoochie kisses
ASTA

Joe Stains said...

Oh come on, I don't believe it was ALL your Mom?!

Lorenza said...

Hi, Eric!
Your mom, eh? Hmmmm....
Christmas 24/7 sounds pawesome and tiring!
Yes, he needs to give himself a nice doggie to share his holidays!
Have a good night
Kisses and hugs
Lorenza

Noah the Airedale said...

G'day Eric mate,
That Mr Christmas looks a happy sort a chap. We like his cheesy grin. Don't be too hard on your mum for causing a global disaster...these things happen lol.

tailwags
Noah x

Simba said...

I have yet to have one Christmas and that man has had how many?! Mummy has promised me a Simbamas this year.

Simba x

Stanley said...

Eric!

Your mama is one influential woman. So, she's the one to blame, huh?

Well, I'm guessing it can't ALL be her fault. We've left our decorations up until summer before.

Looks like Mr. Christmas needs a little puppers just like you! You know that if you DO go to stay with him, your peeps will be heartbroken, don't you?

Think carefully, buddy!

Goober love,
Stanley

umekotyan said...

Good evening Eric.
The happiness at time of Christmas is a quality, and an amount of the meal.
A wonderful present is necessary for the labor of serious mama. :D

from loved ume tyan

Stanislaw said...

Um... Not to be so rude but... I think Mr. Christmas is holding a dish of something I left out in the yard the other day...

Penny, Poppy & Patches said...

Hi Eric! Many years ago, our mom's grandma told her that all decorations had to be put away before Jan. 1 or it would be very bad luck. Every year, she hurries to get them all put away. Mr. Christmas looks like a fun guy...a little strange, but fun!

Aire-hugs,
Poppy, Penny & Patches

Sophie Brador said...

Windy Billy? I have to go back and read what that is. You folks and pups have some funny food names over there. Mr. Christmas is an odd duck, isn't he? You'd think he'd get bored with Christmas after 15 years, but when you find your thing .....

xo
SB

Dewey Dewster said...

Eric,

I must tell ya that Mr Christmas reminds me a bit of Nathan Lane.....'n ya say he dreamed this all up on July 14....now isn't that Bastille Day ???....we would venture ta say that he's a bit of a nut but ta each his own....but I wouldn't go spreadin' it around that yer Mom had anythin' ta do with the current state of financial affairs...nope...no siree.....ya might have hoards of people flockin' over the big pee from the mainland ta try 'n strangle 'er....ferget about the little matter of the left up Christmas decorations from 2007.....leavin' 'em up fer 2 extra days wouldn't cause the terrible state that we're all n right now....but if ya want ta try and help Mr Christmas regain his jolly spirit since his canine friend has departed for the Bridge...then give it a shot.....bet ya can get a bunch of delicious morsels passed yer way if ya flash that terrier smile on the guy....why yer much better lookin' than that dear departed pooch of his....

'n now we better get Gram to remove the rest of those Christmas decorations that are still up around here.....she's workin' on it but boy is she slow.....

Dewey Dewster here.....

Mango said...

Well, at least now we know who to blame for the current economic conditions. We'll be sending our credit card and mortgage bills to her so that she can make up for that most unacceptable snafu.

On the same topic, our Christmas decorations are still up. Does that mean the bad economy will continue for another year?

Slobbers,
Mango

Toffee said...

Eric,
While I have certainly not met your mom I cannot believe that she has caused this economic collapse...I mean I think the fact that we have had a Christmas wreath hanging in our apartment ALL YEAR must qualify for some wrongdoing! Granted my mom tries to explain that we do not have any storage space and it hangs so beautifully from the bikes that are hung from the rafters in the ceiling (actually it is hanging on the pedal of one pawticular bicycle).

Oh! I feel horrible! It must be my mom's fault...

Scruffy, Lacie and Stanley's Place said...

OOPSIE...our tree is STILL UP and well, our lights are on a timer and no one unpluggied them...

AND...the tree is still up at Stan's daycare. Today he walked over to it and peed on it...and Mumsie had him on the leash the whole time...she thought he was too much of a gentledog to be such an ape....she dug a large hole and crawled in it...Stan laughed...

We can't imagaine that this whole eeee con O ME thing stems from ur peeps...naaaaaaaaaaa.....

We'll be dedecoratin' tomorrow...

Squarefaced barks...

The Terriers

happy said...

Hi Eric! Happy New Year! Really? Your mom did that? Wow...hmm...We have yet to remove ours too. Gee...looks like it's going to be global eh?

Molly and Taffy said...

Hi Eric.

Mr Christmas is amazing! Fancy eating that many mince pies every year. He will be the size of a bus soon.

Molly and Tafy

Asta said...

Eric, my dawling squawe fwiend
I'm honowed to know the winnew of the most faboolous muddy beawd..it was twuly a supewb win!!!
I'd love to come take lessons fwom you
smoochie congwatulatowy kisses
ASTA

Quinvale AstaLaVista Baby said...

Congwatulations, mate, fow winning that muddy beard contest! I love the mud, once I tracked it all ovew the house right before mum had a meeting! Mum loves all of your Britishy stuff cause she's a POME.

xxx Asta (OZ)

Sophie Brador said...

Eric! You are a muddy star dude!

xo
SB

the 4 Bs said...

hee hee Eric, that's a funny story about your mum and her decorations and Mr christmas. we are sad that he has to cut back, but really, it sounds like he's still having a festive celebration. we wonder about the pressies that he gives himself - every day??? that is pawsome. now we are wondering if he might be partial to poodles????


woofs.

Asta said...

Eric
I hope I don't wemind you of Lacie in a bad way..I wasn't weally mean to the duffstew..ouw snow is widicoolous..so little
smoochie kisses
ASTa

NORWOOD UNLEASHED said...

Put me in the queue. I think I can help keep the holiday cheer all year long!

Norwood

Chef said...

It was your mom, Eric? And all this time I thought it was mine. Well, that's what Papa said - "she'll put us in the poorhouse yet." He'll be glad to know it was your mom afterall! Oh and make room for me in the line, Eric. I want to go to Mr. Christmas' house with you. His menu sounds so much better than bowls of kibble and liver, doesn't it?

xoxo
Chef