Christmas over. Done and dusted. Decorations down yet dogs, kitties, hammies? Don't forget. Did I show you our decorations?
Paper Chains. How Pathetic. The leggeds say they NO. Retro Eric. Trend setting. Even Patriotic. Haaaaa!!!! That's not the yap on the street. Certainly not from Jack the Lab, who's been sniggering through paws held over his old bark hole, every time he wigs his wag past our house.
Now. I have something shocking to relate. Mom FORGOT to take the decorations down in time last year. Left them up for 2 days too long. Dear oh dear. VERY UNLUCKY. And look what happened. The world economy collapsed. Yes.You can blame Mum. Fair and Square. But Mom is having none of it. She blames this dude.
Calls himself Mr Christmas. He leaves his decorations up ALL YEAR. In Fact. Forever. He celebrates Christmas 24/7 every day of the year!!!!!! WOW!!! WAGGING WICKED!!!!! (Before you say it. Yes. It's true. We do have our fair share of eccentrics this side of the big pee. For a start there are two fruit loops in square house but I digress bloggies)
Mr Christmas started this caper on 14th July 1993 when he was feeling bored and fed up. Put up his Christmas decorations. And Hey Presto!!!! He felt much better (no pathetic paper chains for him) Since then he's been celebrating Christmas every single day!!! The whole kit and caboodle!!!
And bark about dogalicious!!! He' s munched his way through 5,110 Turkeys, 94,080 Mince Pies, 28,224 Roast Potatoes and 117,600 Brussel Sprouts. Burnt out 37 electric ovens in the process. Quaffed 5,110 bottles of Moet. Posted himself more than 230,000 Christmas cards. Worn out 23 video recorders listening to the Queen's Speech. And pulled 204,00 Christmas Crackers. Mmmm.... could it be that pawhaps he might be an itsy bitsy crackers himself? But boy oh boy, don't you just LOVE him?????
However.......Boo Hoo.This year Mr Christmas had to cut back due to Mom's induced Credit Crunch. Lunch with all the trimmings and booze used to cost him over £150 a week. Extras had to go. One Christmas tree instead of two. Cut back on Christmas lights to reduce his energy bills. 9lb Turkeys replace the usual 14lb ones. Moet has to last two days instead of one. And he hand delivers his own Christmas cards instead of posting to save the stamp spondoolies!!!! HAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
Here's his daily routine. First up, for breakfast, he chows down seven or eight mince pies washed down with a tipple of sherry. Then opens presents he's chosen and wrapped for himself. Once he gave himself a Mercedes. Yeah!!!! Way to go Mr Christmas!!! Isn't he totally pawsome??? The best of the bestest???? Then he takes himself off to work. Returning to eat Christmas dinner downed with a glass or two of champagne. At 3pm sharpish, he watches the Queen's speech. Followed by a wagging good film.
Mr Pickles Pooch Park OBE (wearing his Christmas hat) used to watch with him. Sad to say, Mr Pickles has departed to Rainbow Bridge. Set me thinking. Poor Mr Christmas must be lonely. Christmas needs to be celebrated with a special fur leggeded right? Expect he would like a dogs company. A Wiley Fox Terrier. That would wagging appreciate mince pies, turkey, roast tatties and windy billy's awash with lashing of gravy, and a glug or two of bubbly. Who can yap along tunefully to our National Anthem.
Bark about pawsome eh???? Mr Christmas seems totally my sort of guy. I'll drop him a pee mail. Tell him I'll wag oveer any time the leggeds go on holiday plus plenty of long weekends too. Keep him company. Hey!!! Watch it!!! No shoving everybloggie. My idea.....form an orderly queue behind me. Take your decorations down first though.
OMdoG...Is This Fun or What???
7 years ago